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Being At Boiler Room Automatically Makes You Dance “Three Times Twatier”

A recent report from the International Dancing Authority, or the IDA, claims that being on camera at a Boiler Room event automatically makes people dance “three times twatier”.

While the report doesn’t offer any scientific explanation for the phenomenon it claims to prove, beyond all reasonable doubt, that it happens and gives a number of possible theories as to why it happens.

“We found a number of people who had been seen dancing like absolute bellends in Boiler Room videos and observed them dancing in an environment free of any video recording equipment,” explained IDA spokesperson Hans Tand. “In almost every case we found that the dance moves were three times less twatty than the ones we’d witnessed in the videos.”

“There’s no clear explanation for this but we are exploring a number of avenues,” continued Mr Tand. “There is something about standing in front of camera that makes people act like complete dickheads. We see it all the time on the news, at horse racing and other places where we get live broadcasts.”

“People also like to dance like there’s nobody watching,” claimed Tand. “I love that they do but in some cases, Boiler Room videos being one of them, people definitely are watching and your dance moves, as good as they may make you feel, will be observed and judged by millions of people all over the world, unless you’re in Thom Yorke’s Boiler Room video, nobody ever watches that.”

Wunderground spoke to Ellum Guy, famous for his appearance in a number of Maceo Plex Boiler Room videos, to get his take on the report’s claims, “It’s really weird, I actually can’t even remember being in any of those Boiler Room videos, there’s just something about the whole vibe that gets inside people’s heads. We’ll probably never know what causes it, like rust or limescale.”

After a number of tests, it became clear that Ellum Guy couldn’t remember the Boiler Room videos he appeared in due to the crazy cocktail of drugs he had taken in the minutes prior to them rather than a strange, unexplained phenomenon.

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