Real Life

If You Can Remember What Ibiza Used To Be You Were Doing It Wrong

According to an Ibiza veteran, if you can remember what Ibiza used to be, you were doing it wrong the whole time.

Pat Smith, who went to Ibiza for a holiday in 1974 and never left, claims that his only clear memories of the island are from the “off season” and even those are “hazy at best”.

“I’m sick of people telling me that Ibiza isn’t what it used to be,” revealed Pat this morning. “I’ve been living here for almost thirty three years and, to be perfectly honest with you, I haven’t got a fucking clue what it used to be like. If you’ve been coming here and doing it properly, it should seem like a brand new experience every time, there’s no way you should be taking any long lasting memories home with you to build these opinions on.”

“And I’m not talking about not remembering parts of a night out or times when you’ve acted the bollox and chosen to have selective blackouts,” continued Mr Smith, sixty eight. “I’m talking about full-on weeks, months, years and even decades in some cases worth of lost memories. That’s what happens when you do this place properly. All this talk of making memories that last a lifetime is nonsense they put in travel catalogues to sell holidays, what they should have said is have as much fun until all that’s left is blank space.”

“I’ve been here since the seventies, lived in the same finca since then and still get lost on an almost daily basis,” admitted the ex-pat. “That’s how you do this island, I’d love to be able to say it’s changed, because I’m sure it probably has, but I can hardly remember what it looked like yesterday. Sometimes I even forget I’ve just said something and say it again, in fact, sometimes I even forget I’ve just said something and say it again, that’s what this place does to you.”

Mr Smith went on to explain that his favourite nightclub on the island is “what’s it called”, his favourite resident DJ is “that bloke with the hair” and his favourite restaurant is “that one down there beside the other thing”.

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