A young man planning on attending Detonate electronic music festival has been mistakenly apprehended by British security services for terrorist activities after tweeting the message “looking forward to Detonate”.
Security cops swooped on the home of 26-year-old basshead, James Wilson, after he put out the offending tweet late last night after buying his ticket for the Nottingham based festival.
“We have a filter that picks out words that are offensive and potentially damaging to the British establishment,” explained national security advisor Tarquin Harris-Aldershot. “The program identifies words and phrases like ‘bomb’, ‘Allah’, ‘David Cameron is really a lizard’ or ‘the truth behind Tory paedophile sex rings’, and immediately tries to suppress that message and arrest those responsible.”
“For this reason, the tweet by the individual was picked up by our staff who then assessed him as being a potentially dangerous person about to carry out a gross act of terrorism,” continued Tarquin. “The suspect didn’t seem that overtly religious from his other tweets and social media presence, but it was obvious that he identified as a “bass head”, which we suspect to be some kind of underground terror cell.”
The MI5 say there were numerous suspicious utterances on James’s Twitter feed including reference to “Nas blowing up the joint” and repeated calls for “David Rodigan for Prime Minister”.
Following the mistaken arrest, the security services have warned that anyone going to a festival and keen to make pithy statements that compare their excitement to bomb attacks need be careful lest they get illegally renditioned.
“They pulled me out of my house right when I was in the middle of recording a fresh mix that I was going to entitled Spring/Summer ‘15, that’s an abuse of human rights,” wept James upon his release from police custody as he crouched under the ubiquitous grey blanket. “I never even wrote down a tracklist for it..”
James says the security forces ransacked his bedsit and found lots of illicit material including advertising material for Detonate, old demonic house records, glowsticks and a map to a site in Nottingham where they believed the attack was going to take place.
“They questioned me for days about who I was working for, when I kept saying Natwest they punched me,” explained James. “When they said who was the target for Detonate and I said Nas they thought I was part of some anti-Muslim terror cell who was planning to blow up some guy called Nasir bin Olu Dara Jones.”
James claimed it was only on day four of his incarceration when someone decided to remove the electrified nipple clamps and check Google that they realised he’d just been talking excitedly about a festival and let him go.
“They just sorta went ‘ooops, sorry about that. This doesn’t usually happen to us. We’ve pulled a bit of an America there and mistakenly arrested an innocent citizen for terrorism,'” he concluded. “After that they just sort of let me go.”
“I’m glad it’s all over and I can start looking forward to Detonate Music Festival again,” he carefully added.
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