Real Life

Girl On Strict Zero Caffeine Diet Happy To Take Coke

A girl who prides herself on the fact that her diet contains absolutely no caffeine has revealed that she spends “a couple of hundred quid” on cocaine every weekend.

Maria O’Neill claims she “wouldn’t dream of” putting caffeine into her body because it “totally” messes with her body clock and makes her anxious.

“You wouldn’t catch me drinking or eating anything that contains caffeine,” Maria told us earlier. “It totally fucks me up, makes me anxious and puts unneeded strain on my heart. For me, having a strict zero caffeine diet is a no brainer, I haven’t had a caffeinated drink in about four years now and I feel great because of it.”

“It’s a lifestyle choice, I’m not one of these prudes who insists on eating organically or follows crazy fad diets,” continued Maria. “I still have my vices, I enjoy a vodka and Coke Zero at the weekend and I never go out on a night out without a couple of grams of gak in my handbag but even the thought of putting caffeine into my bloodstream makes my skin crawl, I don’t know how people do it.”

“The moment I realised caffeine wasn’t for me was one Monday morning after a particularly heavy weekend,” explained Maria. “I was up sniffing coke until about five o’clock in the morning and I was absolutely hanging out of my fanny so I decided to stop by Starbucks for an extra large latte on my way to work.”

“That was me fucked for the entire day,” revealed Maria. “I couldn’t look anyone in the eye, was jittery as fuck and had to spend an hour in the toilets to avoid a full blown panic attack. The only thing that saved me was a couple of bumps of patsy I had left over from the weekend. I knew then that caffeine wasn’t for me and now, four years later, I’m starting to reap the rewards of a caffeine free diet.”

Ms O’Neil also claims that, since giving up caffeine, she never suffers from insomnia or finds it difficult to sleep and only relies on Valium “two or three nights a week” to help her nod off.

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