Celebrity

Kim Jong-Un Claims All 100 Spots In North Korean End-Of-Year DJ Polls

Kim Jong Un has capped another hugely successful year by claiming all one hundred places in all of North Korea’s end of year DJ polls.

Following clean sweeps at the North Korean equivalent of The Oscars, The Emmys and The Grammys, Kim Jong Un was, as always, humble in accepting his accolades at the Pyongyang ceremony earlier this week.

“Death to my competitors and death to the West,” he shouted moments after being revealed as North Korea’s number one DJ by the Master of Ceremonies, Kim Jong Un. “Anyone or any nation who stands in the way of our campaign for dominance in the world of electronic music will be swatted like flies.”

According to North Korea’s leading music journalist, Kim Jong Un, the Supreme Leader was a deserved recipient of accolades.

“In all of time, there has never been a more deserving winner of anything,” the journalist told us. “Kim Jong Un is the greatest DJ that has ever, or will ever live, anyone who says any differently is an enemy of our great nation and will be brought to justice before long.”

Reports indicate that Kim Jong Un celebrated being named North Korea’s number one DJ in Border, Pyongyang’s biggest nightclub.

“It was a fantastic night,” claimed club manager Park Nam Il. “Kim Jong Un played a fantastic warm up set and followed it with an absolutely stomping headline set. If there’s a better DJ out there we’ve certainly never heard of them in North Korea, come to think of it, apart from Kim Jonh Un’s father, Kim Jong Il, who was the world’s greatest DJ up until his death in 2011, we haven’t really heard of any other DJs here at all.”

Reports from North Korea suggest that Kim Jong Un will be named as the nation’s best live performer, best promoter, best producer and best ghostwriter in a number of other end of year polls set to be released in coming days.

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