Slightly Strange

Man Who Spiked Himself With Date Rape Drug Hoping To Get Laid Is “An Idiot”, Claims Judge

A man who spiked himself with rohypnol, also known as the “date rape drug”, has been referred to as an “idiot” by a judge, following a two day trail.

Thirty one year old Benedict Watson, of London, England, is said to have been so “desperate” to have sex that he was willing to “go the extra mile” by putting himself on a plate for any female taker who wanted to “take advantage”.

“His horniness has caused so much grief,” confirmed Judge Stevens. “Who spikes themself? It’s such a weird thing to do. When he woke up he couldn’t remember a thing and accused two women of drugging and raping him. Both were arrested but not charged. The only way we got to the bottom of the situation was due to a text conversation with an unknown number in his phone, where he seemed to be asking for advice. We are not sure if it was a drug dealer or an agony aunt.”

“We knew something was up on Wednesday when he entered the courtroom laughing,” continued the Judge. “Someone had saved a SnapChat story he sent where he could be seen putting the Rohypnol into his own drink and downing it in one. The worst thing was, he expected us all to see the funny side. He has wasted the time and resources of the Metropolitan police, the ambulance service and two full days in court. I wanted him to spend some time in prison but, sadly, there’s no law against being a stupid moron so was let him go.”

Wunderground caught up with Benedict regarding the incident, “I’d not had sex for almost a year,” he explained. “It was a combination of watching a lot of porn and smoking too much weed that made me think it would be a good idea to drug myself. To be honest, my balls are the size of water melons so I assume I didn’t get laid that night either. But who knows? Maybe I should just join Tinder or something, as apparently it’s well easy to shag birds on that site.”

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