Clubbing

Music Snobs Discuss Entire Sven Väth Set As It’s Happening

Two lads have been described as a “pair of boring cunts” by a group of ravers whilst watching Sven Väth play, after discussing his set, as it was happening, for the full four hours.

According to onlookers, twenty one year old Trudie May is believed to have “lashed out” at the two gentlemen, accusing them of “ruining her night” and making her “hate techno”.

“My God these blokes were fucking morons,” she told us. “It’s a fucking rave so you’re meant to dance ain’t you? Well these blokes stood side by side, discussing Sven’s equipment, his mixing, the records he was playing, what label each track was signed to, his crowd interaction nowadays compared to the nineties, the sound system, his history in music and what makes a great techno track.”

“By the end of the four hour set I was mentally exhausted from listening to their shit,” continued Trudie. “I swear, I was ready to cut their tongues out with a rusty knife but my mates pulled me away. That’s the last techno event I will ever go to. It’s full of black t-shirt wearing, up their own arsehole, boring divs who do not know how to have fun.”

Wunderground spoke with thirty nine year old Ronald Fairfax, who was part of the conversation, “There’s no rules saying I need to take drugs, drink alcohol or dance while Sven is playing,” he announced. “To truly digest his performance I need to watch it. When I am watching it, I like to discuss it and ask for others’ opinions. I can’t help if I am educated enough to know what’s going on. Techno music belongs to the intelligent and the elite so if that girl wanted to get messy and dance around like a cheap hooker, maybe she should listen to some funky house or go to an event where they have a saxophone player.”

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