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How Spending £253,871.56 on Dj Equipment & Tunes Made Me £50 in DJ Fees

poor man dj

 

A blog post penned by Irish DJ, Little Stevie, has today gone viral as the young up-and-coming talent listed in great detail how he managed to blow £253,871.56 on DJ gear and music but only take in a total of £50 in DJ fees, despite ‘touring’ for close to 8 years now.

“I mean, I started off with a small investment of £300 for a set of belt-drive decks and shitty mixer” said Kevin to Wunderground’s financial correspondent earlier today.

“I thought that would be it, £300 investment and I would be getting my dick sucked on stage for life.”

“But that never happened. Next thing you know, I’m buying records. £10 a pop. Then, I’m replacing the fucking needles. £50 a pop. Then it’s time for new fucking headphones. £200 a pop!”

“But then when word got around I was spinning the tunes, the gigs started rolling in!” squawked Stevie, with a twinkle of excitement in his eye, as if he had forgotten for just a split second what he was about to say.“

“But the gigs… the fucking gigs… £ a pop! Every time.”

“Then I needed the essential DJ accessories. The music, of course, tunes are expensive. Zippyshare ain’t free and all that! And the coke, fuck me, that’s not free either and not downloadable on Zippyshare! Not that I didn’t try!”

“Travel costs, that all adds up. The ketamine isn’t easy on the pocket either. I mean, cos I buy 10 bags at a time I get a discount, so that helps, but it still puts a dent in the wallet.”

“Software, bags of Garys, equipment, DMT, equipment maintenance, liquid meth, training courses, bail costs when I get arrested for drugs, accessories, solicitor fees, upgrading studio gear, therapy fees for my crushing depression, mastering costs, hospital fees when I self-harm… I mean the list goes on. It can start to get expensive and hard to pay for while living on benefits you know?”

“But I mean, I’m still living the dream and doing what I want to do. Money can’t pay for that kind of lifestyle.”

“Which is handy, cos I haven’t got any.”

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