Real Life

Tories Wondering Who They’ll Blame Drugs On Once All Clubs In London Are Closed

Tories all over the United Kingdom are believed to be wondering who they will blame drugs on once all of London’s nightclubs are gone.

Unwilling to accept that miseducation and the criminalisation of recreational drugs leads to unregulated production and dangerous usage of the substances, the Tories are set to chose another scapegoat to push the blame of the societal problem onto.

“It really is worrying,” claimed prominent Tory landowner Richard Smudgkins-Enthwhistle III. “No matter who or what we blame drugs on they keep coming back strong. We’ve already tried to pin it on the blacks, the working classes and now the nightclubs but nothing seems to be working.”

“I’m just not sure where we’re going to go after this, we can’t blame the mussies because they’re already taking the flack for terrorism and the war we started and we can’t say it was the Micks because apparently they’re our equals nowadays,” continued Smudgkins-Enthwhistle III. “We’re definitely running out of options, fast.”

“At this rate we might have to hold our hands up and admit that it’s actually our fault but we’re worried what that might open the floodgates to, we can’t be just taking the blame for all of society’s problems, even if most of them are our fault,” he explained. “The last thing we want is another Bloody Sunday or Hilsborough type apology on our hands.”

According to inside sources, the current favourites to take the blame for drugs include Jeremy Corbyn, the Russians and Aliens.

To Top

Send this to friend