World’s First “Vinyl-Only EDM Label” Goes Bust After Making No Sales
The world’s first vinyl-only EDM record label has gone bust after failing to shift a single unit of its first release.
Brooklyn-based, Waxative Records, released a statement on their 75-fan-strong Facebook page announcing the end of their short-lived existence, “RIP Waxative Records. Thanks to those who supported us, so thanks to no one. Fuck you all.”
“It sucks man, I put all my life savings into this label and even borrowed a few grand from my parents,” claimed label owner, artisan earwax sculptor and son of two, Chad “BoneDog” Murray. “To make literally nothing back is a huge disappointment, I’m totally devastated and can’t believe a vinyl-only label for EDM acts wouldn’t work.”
Chad claims he felt sure the label was destined for success when it signed 17-year-old EDM prodigy “DJ Ill Smith” after a remix of his garnered 300,000 plays on Soundcloud.
“I mean, I thought this guy had it all,” explained Chad. “The hilarious name. The sick drops. The kick drums that shake your walls. The total disregard for artistic integrity. Everything. I was so excited when I heard his remix of ‘Getting Jiggy With It’ I even showed it to my Dad. My Dad thought it sucked, so I knew I was on to a winner.”
“I was sitting on all these life savings,” continued Chad. “My parents said I should save it for college, but everyone knows that is a total waste of money. The real goldmine is EDM and/or prescription drugs. I knew straight away I wanted to be a record label boss, like Simon Cowell or Puff Daddy.”
Murray stated that he was inspired by friends who like “weird dance music like techno and house” and “how the labels he likes are vinyl-only.”
“At first I had no idea what he meant or what vinyl was, but I looked it up on Wikipedia and it was actually pretty cool,” he explained. “It’s all the rage in Germany and places like that. So that’s where I got the idea from.”
Murray claims he tried to send on promotional copies of the record to some of EDM’s biggest names thinking it would be a success but “most of them didn’t know what vinyl was and said they’d only play it if it was an mp3 or on YouTube.”
“The only success I had was from Steve Aoki who said ‘thanks for the giant drinks coaster, man’. So there’s that,” explained Chad.
Murray packed up the vinyl-only idea and admitted it had been a mistake to try sell vinyl to the EDM generation after a mere three weeks of having the record out and recording “zero sales” while Soundcloud plays continued to rocket.
“Fucking waste of time, I’ll never sell records again,” he concluded. “Incidentally, do you wanna buy some giant drinks coasters?”