Belgian Nightclub Toilet Lady Claims To Be Undisputed Queen Of Techno


A female nightclub toilet attendant has reportedly been claimed to be the undisputed Queen of Techno by a group of her peers.

Her Majesty, or Queen Conchita as she prefers to be known, has held a longstanding toilet residency in Fuse, Brussels, and has become known for being extremely firm with her loyal subjects.

It is widely believed Conchita will be officially ordained during Fuse’s Twenty Fifth Anniversary Party, taking place in the Palais 12 on Saturday 27 April and involving other techno royalty such as Adam Beyer, Dave Clarke, Charlotte de Witte, Stefan Bodzin and Pierre.


“If people thought the race for the Iron Throne in Game of Thrones was hotly contested, they obviously haven’t heard of the race to become the Belgian Queen of Techno, or the Vinyl Throne as it has become known,” commented one techno fan earlier. “We’ve got Amelie Lens, Charlotte de Witte and, of course, Conchita. Honestly, Daenerys Stormborn and Cersei Lannister haven’t got a patch on our girls.”

According to sources within Fuse, Conchita was an “extremely reluctant” candidate for the Vinyl Throne, claiming that she was far too busy doing her other “nine hundred and ninety nine jobs” to worry about being a Queen, but she will do it anyway because no one else will be able to do it as good as her.

“Why do I want to be a Queen?” Conchit barked when approached by Wunderground earlier. “As if I’m not busy enough, running a toilet is already far too much work for one woman, the last thing I need is extra responsibility, and there’s no way I would be able to do half of my jobs with a crown on my head, it’s just not practical.”

“I have enough to worry about already,” continued the Queen. “All of these kids are constantly eating waffles in my toilets, who do you think has to clean up all of the powdered sugar? Conchita, that’s who. Not too mention the constant battle with the managers and their four ply toilet paper. Do they think that stuff grows on trees? Well technically it does, but you get my drift. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a toilet to run.”

Amelie Lens and Charlotte de Witte are believed to be fully behind Queen Conchita’s reign, with both DJs, commonly known as the Princesses of Techno, claiming that after spending one minute with Conchita, there’s no way you would ever stand against her.

If you would like to witness the ordaining of Queen Conchita, or you’d simply like to attend Fuse’s Twenty Fifth Anniversary Party, Brussel’s biggest techno event of the year, click here to bend the knee and swear allegiance, or buy tickets.

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Belgian Nightclub Toilet Lady Claims To Be Undisputed Queen Of Techno

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