Outspoken DJ, the Black Madonna, who’s known for beautifully constructed DJ sets as well as voicing opinions on literally anything that be moaned about, will team up with outspoken music icon, Madonna, known for smash hit songs Like A Prayer and Like A Virgin, as well as wearing less and less clothing the older she gets.

The surprise came in the third instalment, as joining the two music icons will be outspoken football legend, Diego Maradona, known for his silky skills as well as being the sole reason Argentina ran out of cocaine in 1989 to the current day. 

With a $100 million contract on the table, the “house-pop-coke fuelled” album “Opinions, Nostrils and Inappropriate Nakedness” is due out in December.

“This is the biggest thing to ever happen in music” claimed one fan. “I’ve heard they are going to be called DiegoBlackMadgeMaramadonnana.” But this is yet to be confirmed.

An official statement was released by Sony, the label responsible for this exciting project: “The idea is little Diego will bring enough coke to last a team of investment bankers over 20 years. We lock them in a studio with the drugs and see what they come up with. This is a tried and tested system, previously working for Hot Natured, Disclosure, Little Mix, Taylor Swift and Oasis, so we have no doubts the outcome will be fantastic.”

Jenner has received glowing praise from all corners of Hollywood after continuously overcoming adversity, even becoming the world’s youngest self made billionaire earlier this year.

“It’s a real fairy tale,” claimed one commentator who seemed to have a very loose grasp of the term “fairy tale”. “Here you have a young girl, from an extremely wealthy family, who never had to worry about education, finding work or paying bills and, despite all of this, she’s still managed to achieve a tremendous amount in her life.”

“No matter how much the odds were stacked up against her, she always came out smelling like roses and that’s a real testament to her character and resilience,” continued our source. “People have no idea of just how hard it is for rich kids to make it in this world, she’s a real positive role model for any young girls out there.”

Following in the footsteps of all her siblings, Jenner’s life is now a well documented commercial for a variety of brands, meaning she gets paid for almost everything she does.

“Kylie gets money for absolutely everything,” claimed sister and slightly less famous self made woman Kendal. “Even her poops are sponsoerd, you know when you hear people saying they don’t get out of bed for any less than a thousand dollars, well Kylie genuinely doesn’t get out of bed for less than a hundred thousand dollars.”

“I’m really proud of her,” continued Kendal. “She made her first billion by twenty one, and all she had to do was get a loan of, like, $900million. So, any of you lazy bums sitting at home wondering how you’re going to make your rent, think of Kylie and all she has achieved to give you some motivation.”

“It just goes to show, all you really need to be successful is the right attitude, a good work ethic, tons of cosmetic surgery and an endless supply of money.”

According to reports, the four piece have rediscovered their form as a “future tech” collective and will relaunch as RAISINS in early April.

Wunderground spoke to A.C., The California Raisins frontman, earlier, “Myself and the boys have just been chilling out getting all sundried for the last twenty five years so we’re all very excited to get out on the road and go touring again. We’ve had a lot of time to develop a new sound and we’re really happy with what we’re currently making, we’re sure the kids are going to love it too.”

Having enjoyed some real success in the early to mid nineties, The California Raisins were cast into controversy after their bass player, Stretch, claimed that all humans looked alike.

However, it appears that time has healed all wounds with seemingly few people remembering anything about the group’s racism scandal.

Wunderground spoke to James Allen, a twenty two year old music fan, today, “I had no idea The California Raisins were racist,” he told us. “Although, I had absolutely no idea who they even were before you just asked me so I really don’t know anything about them at all, apart from the fact they’re raisins and they’re from California.”

“They’re funny looking little fellas though aren’t they?” Allen continued. “They look like a cross between a really old bloke and a grape, I’d defo go to see them if they were playing near me, racist or not.”

Reports suggest that RAISINS have signed a six-figure recording deal with Spinnin’ Records, which will see them release exclusively on the Dutch label until 2025, at which point they are likely to have shriveled to the size of the average male MDMA user’s penis.

Brown, best known for his involvement in woman beating and rape accusations, was picked up by police officers following accusations of “life-time cuntishness” were made against him early last week.

According to Wunderground sources, Brown, twenty nine, has always been a cunt, despite managing to fool some people into believing he wasn’t for large periods of his life.

Matt Burrows, who grew up close to Brown in Tappahannock, Virginia, claimed that he always suspected Brown was a cunt during their formative years.

“Well, I guess Chris was just one of these people who was born a bit of a cunt,” he told Wunderground. “From a very young age it was clear to me, and a group of other kids our age that he was a cunt, there were certain cuntish things that he would do, like spitting at people, robbing stuff and having a nasty little cunt attitude, that really gave him away.”

“He got pretty good at hiding it when he grew up a bit, but there’s an old saying that goes ‘once a cunt always a cunt’ so I guess it was always going to come out eventually, it’s just a pity that so many people had to be hurt before it did.”

According to Big Jimbo, an inmate in Sussex 1 State Prison, Waverly, Virginia, he and his fellow inmates are looking forward to helping Brown feel at home when he arrives in the prison.

“I’ma be waiting with open arms for that little cunt,” Big Jimbo told Wunderground earlier. “There’s all types of bad mother fuckers up in this joint who can’t wait to see Brown arrive but I’ve got a special space saved for him in my cell. He might but a cunt right now but I’m gonna make him my bitch as soon as he arrives, fresh meat is on the menu and I’m goddamn hungry.”

Brown has yet to respond to the allegations, although it won’t really make any difference if he does or not, because everyone already knows he’s a cunt.

According to reports from America, Hilton was set to inherit her mother’s taste in music, however, following long negotiations with her PR agency, it was decided that, for the good of her music career, and humanity, it would be better if Paris inherited her father’s taste in music.

While it is not yet clear what Hilton’s father, Rick Hilton’s, musical preference is, it is widely believed that it definitely couldn’t be worse than the shit she currently plays during her DJ sets.

According to one man who “accidentally saw a Hilton set” in 2016, watching the hotel heiress play music was similar to suffering a horrific brain injury.

“I am one of those unfortunate people who have been unlucky enough to actually see Paris perform,” the man, who wished to remain anonymous due to fear for the safety of his reputation, told Wunderground earlier today. “I’ve never had a burrowing insect bury itself into my brain and eat me from the inside out, but, if I had, I’d imagine it would be a pretty similar experience to seeing a Paris Hilton DJ set.”

“It’s good to know that, in the future, Paris will inherit someone else’s taste in music, which can only be a good thing,” continued our source. “Even if her father has really, really, really, really bad taste in music, it can’t be anywhere near as bad as what I witnessed that night in Ibiza. Even thinking about it now makes me want to douse my ears in petrol and set them on fire.”

“It will be some comfort to know that when old Rick finally kicks the bucket, no one else will ever have to go through what I went through, the only bad thing is that Rick’s only sixty-three and worth about $300 million, so he’s not likely to be going anywhere for some time yet.”

Reports suggest that Rick Hilton is set to be put under constant police protection after more than fifteen thousand credible threats to his life were discovered in the twenty-four hours since it was announced that Paris would inherit his taste in music.

Kelly, best known for being the only man in the world who actually believed he could fly while not tripping on acid, has become a genuine boogeyman character following years’ worth of accusations made against him by children.

“My kids are absolutely terrified of R Kelly,” claimed one father of three earlier. “And they don’t even know anything about any of the sexual misconduct accusations, they’re just afraid of him because he’s a big weird looking cunt who seems like a bit of a crazy bastard. I’m pretty scared of him myself if I’m being honest. He’s like a younger, stronger, more athletic Bill Cosby, if that doesn’t scare the shit out of you, nothing will.”

“I’m not sure whether or not he did any of the things he’s been accused of,” continued the father. “But, if I had to choose between him and a bear, who had been starved to within an inch of its life, as a babysitter, I’m choosing the bear all day long. There’s no way I’d be leaving my kids with that dude. I’d rather have a bear eat all of my children and me, than have to drop that lunatic home after a few hours of babysitting. Fuck that!”

According to leading child fear experts, Kelly is now ranked in the top five scariest things of all time.

“He’s had a phenomenal year when it comes to scaring the bejesus out of kids,” explained some bloke who claimed to know what he was talking about. “The only things they actually find scarier than him at the moment are sharks, clowns, wooden spoons and priests. He’s actually achieved in a couple of years, what it’s taken the Catholic Church centuries to do. It’s both impressive and repulsive in equal amounts.”

Wunderground contacted the American singer for a comment on his latest achievement, however he declined our interview request claiming he was currently trapped in a closet, which was most likely located in a child’s bedroom.

The Dame made the announcement on her bi-monthly appearance on The Graham Norton Show and claimed she “can’t fucking wait” to get into the studio.

According to Wunderground sources, the song will feature on an experimental “cross-cultural” album called Fish Outa Water, set to be released later this year.

“As soon as I was asked if I’d like to be involved in the album I knew it was a perfect fit for me,” explained Dench during a chat with Wunderground earlier. “Ever since, I’ve really been getting into character and using profanities that I would never normally use. You know what I mean you fucking shit willow?” she added jokingly.

“I’ve always been a massive fan of Tupac, Biggie too,” revealed the Dame. “There’s something about listening to the two of them that really makes me feel like I’m connected to the world, mother fucker, it makes me want to pack my bags, get on a flight to America, travel down Route 20 and try to discover which coast really is better Biatch.”

Initial reports suggest that Dame Judi will be joined on the track by Brian Blessed, Kenneth Branagh and Sir Patrick Stewart.

“I think rap could have a new dream team,” said Branagh recently. “I’m really looking forward to spitting a few bars with the rest of the team, it’s the most exciting thing I’ve been involved in since Ben Kingsley asked me to squeeze a massive black head out of his back last summer.”

Other artists set to appear on Fish Outa Water include; Daniel O’Donnell, singing Metallica’s Battery, DMX, singing Adele’s Hello and Iggy Pop, singing B*Witched’s C’est La Vie.

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