Techno DJs Voted Worst At Telling Jokes
A brand new poll by DJ Mag, the Top 100 DJs At Telling Jokes, has found that techno DJs are extremely bad at delivering punch...
Culture
Cunt Politician Worried Not Enough Nightclubs Are Closing
A cunt politician is reportedly worried that not enough is being done to ensure that nightclubs continue to close up and down the country. The...
Bloke Fails To Change Boxers Once During Week In Ibiza
A young man has today revealed that he once managed to go an entire week in Ibiza without once changing his boxer shorts. Darren McGrath,...
Lad Who Set Up Facebook Event Page Changes LinkedIn Job Title To Event Organiser
A lad who recently set up a Facebook event page has reportedly changed his LinkedIn job title to “Event Organiser”. Peter Murray, who has previously...
Listening To EDM Could Be The First Sign Your Child Is Mental
An American doctor has reportedly claimed that listening to EDM could be the first sign that your child is mental. Simon Lewis, a.k.a. Doctor Si,...
Non-Alcoholic Wine Named World’s Most Expensive Fruit Juice
A rare vintage of non-alcoholic French wine has been named the world’s most expensive fruit juice after a bottle sold for a staggering £2,930. The...
Bedroom DJ Seeking Investment From Parents For “Essential DJ Booth Renovations”
An English bedroom DJ has reportedly written a fifteen page proposal to his parents in the hope of receiving funding for what he has called...
Man’s Head Swells To Size Of Beach Ball After Suffering Allergic Reaction To Tech House
A man’s head has reportedly swollen to the size of a beach ball after suffering a severe allergic reaction to tech house. James Swann, a...
Scientists Successfully Clone Carl Cox
After years of trying to genetically engineer the perfect DJ, backyard scientists in a London council estate have finally just said “fuck it” and cloned...
Music Producer Getting All His Daily Nutrients From Coffee & Fags
An electronic music producer who spends up to eighteen hours at a time in the studio has revealed that he gets all of his nutrients...
Bloke On Rollover Accidentally Takes The Morning After Pill
A bloke on the roll over has been left with a “severely upset tummy” after accidentally taking the morning after pill. Gareth Jenkins, a twenty...
Ibiza Airport Burger King Awarded Michelin Star
Ibiza Airport’s Burger King restaurant has become the latest establishment on the island to be awarded the prestigious Michelin Star accolade. Representatives from the Michelin...
Unexpected Banksy Piece Appears On Man’s Face After He Falls Asleep At House Party
A brand new Banksy piece has mysteriously appeared on a man’s face after he fell asleep at a house party. The man, who has asked...
Moby Denies Skin Head Accusations
Former electronic music producer Moby has denied a recent report which claimed the animal rights activist was a skinhead. Despite being follically challenged and living...
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