Last Night A DJ Saved My Life – DJ Performs Emergency Landing On Amsterdam Bound Flight
A DJ has reportedly saved hundreds of lives after helping out during an on-board emergency on an Amsterdam-bound flight. According to reports, Maltese DJ Dean...
Science
New Species Of DJ Discovered In Amazon Rainforest
A new previously unknown species of DJ has reportedly been found living in the Amazon Rainforest. According to reports, the DJ, who is believed to...
Marshmello Diagnosed With Type 2 Diabetes
Faceless American EDM superstar, Marshmello, has reportedly been diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. While the DJ/producer/giant marshmallow has yet to comment on the diagnosis, sources...
Man Catches Food Poisoning From Ten Pints Of Beer
A man has this morning called into work sick with a suspected case of food poisoning, which he believes he may have caught from one,...
Man Who Spent Last 3 Months Getting Pissed In Fields Wondering Where The Summer Went
A bloke who has spent the last three months rolling around the ground in fields getting drunk and fucked up on drugs at festivals has...
Fedde Le Grand Advised To Use CBD Oil To Control Arm Spasms
Dutch knob twiddler Fedde Le Grand has been advised to use CBD oil to try to stop his arms from spasming during DJ sets. Le...
American Festival To Ban Plastic Straws – Guns Still OK
An American festival has announced that plastic straws will be completely banned from its site in 2019, however, guns will still be permitted. Organisers of...
Listening To The Chainsmokers Causes Cancer
A leading American doctor has confirmed that listening to The Chainsmokers is now the single biggest cause of ear cancer. Nigel Spackman, the proud owner...
Pothead Left “Utterly Disappointed” After Smoking CBD Oil
A pothead has been left feeling “utterly disappointed and let down” after smoking a full bottle of CBD oil last night. Michael Smith, a thirty-six...
Vegan-Friendly Ketamine Now Tested On Humans
A new batch of vegan-friendly ketamine is believed to be ready for worldwide consumption after being extensively tested on humans in Ibiza. The ketamine, which...
1
Man On Comedown Set To Abandon Sixth Attempted Wank Any Minute Now
A man who has spent the morning rolling around his bed on the comedown is set to abandon his sixth attempted wank any minute now....
Thousand Of Brits Develop Chronic Pain Over Night As Medicinal Cannabis Legalised
The number of chronic pain sufferers in the UK has reportedly increased tenfold overnight after the announcement that laws surrounding the medicinal use of cannabis...
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