“Jungle No Longer Massive” Claims Environmentalist
In a worrying turn of events, a leading environmentalist has claimed that the “jungle is no longer massive”. Speaking at a recent summit about the...
Science
The World’s Last Male Hipster Is On 24 Hour Death Watch
The world’s hipster population is teetering on the brink of extinction after the last ever male was placed on twenty-four-hour death watch. Hipster numbers have...
Man Who Says Berghain Over 9000 Times Each Day Finally Explodes
A man who has said the word Berghain at least 9,000 times per day, for the last five years, has reportedly exploded. Michael James, a...
Scientists Have Grown The First Ever Booking Agent’s Heart In Petri Dish
British scientists have reportedly grown the world’s first ever booking agent’s heart in a petri dish at a top secret location in the English countryside....
Children Who Listen To Tech House 10 Times More Likely To Be Wankers
A new study has revealed that children who are exposed to high levels of tech-house at a young age are ten times more likely to...
Drugs To Be Available On The Moon By 2050 Claims Space X Executive
A leading executive in SpaceX has claimed that the aerospace company plan to make drugs easily available on the Moon by the year 2050. Paige...
Warning: Tropical House Causes Cancer
Doctors have issued a stark warning to all tropical house fans and insisted that anyone who continues to listen to the genre is significantly increasing...
How To Snort Coke Off A Bitcoin
Cryptocurrencies are currently more popular than a pulled pork sandwich drinking a pint of gin and tonic in a unicorn-themed pop-up bar, that’s pretty fucking...
Disney Buy The Kardashians With Plans To Melt Them Into Smaller Parts
Disney has announced a record-breaking three trillion dollar deal to buy the entire Kardashian family with plans to eventually melt them down into smaller parts....
Scientists At Large Hadron Collider Make T-Shirt Out Of Black Holes
Scientists at the large hadron collider are reportedly on the verge of creating the world’s blackest t-shirt by successfully stitching a number of black holes...
Scientists At NASA Successfully Setup Serato On First Attempt
A group of highly trained scientists has become the first group of people to ever successfully setup Serato on the first attempt. According to reports,...
Twitter Troll Actually Only 2 Feet Tall & Lives Under Bridge
The world’s first actual Twitter troll has been found living under a bridge in a small village in Northern England. Locals claim the troll has...
Dinosaur Bones Discovered In Ministry Of Sound Dance Floor
A London based archaeologist claims to have discovered a “significant amount of dinosaur bones” during a recent excavation of the dance floor in the Ministry...
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