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Hedge Fund Manager Salutes Pandemic For ‘Finally’ Closing Down Local Nightclubs

Hedge Fund Manager Salutes Pandemic For ‘Finally’ Closing Down Local Nightclubs

A hedge fund manager has publicly saluted the country’s current lockdown measures for achieving his gentrifying wish of closing down the “noisy nightclubs” on the road he moved to last year.

Geoffrey Armitage bought property in the London borough of Hackney after hearing from his fellow financiers in the city that it was a trendy spot to move to and invest in real estate. However, Geoffrey tells Wunderground that his move to the area has mostly been shrouded in disappointment at having to deal with clubgoers walking down his street and making noise at all hours of the morning.

“It was impossible to host a decent dinner party! I couldn’t hear the disappointing din of my friends’ conversation over the noise that emanates through my triple-glazed windows from the streets below,” says Armitage. “Since the lockdown measures have been put in place, I can finally enjoy a walk down a quiet empty street to fetch my copy of the Financial Times, without having to make eye contact with anyone from outside the apartment complex.”

Nightclubs have been closed in the area, and around the country, since late March when lockdown measures were announced. They may struggle to survive at all post-lockdown until social distancing is no longer deemed necessary.

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Armitage sees this as less of a tragedy, and more of an opportunity to invest in the regeneration of his newly adopted hometown: “Just think of all of the space that can be utilised from those closed venues to build new apartments. I will certainly be in line to purchase one and rent it out as an overpriced Air BnB as soon as possible.”

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