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Ketamine Is Delicious On Toast

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Families around the country have been praising popular drug ketamine as “the perfect condiment” for morning toast calling it “the marmite of the psychotropic world”.

The drug, used popularly as a tranquillizer for horses and tech-house fans, is making the move from the drug party to the dinner party as increasing numbers of people are using it as a foodstuff.

“It really is delicious on toast,” beamed father of two Graeme Scott. “It’s got a salty tanginess that’s a lot like marmite. I also like to have it in my coffee, on a scone, or the classic, sprinkled across some cornflakes. Lovely.”

Ketamine, not normally considered a morning drug like the traditional breakfast drugs, cocaine or speed, is being adopted by people from all walks of life thanks to its “variety and cheapness”.

“It’s actually good any time of the day,” offered mother of three, Jessica Holsbury. “I like to have it with some ice-cream in front of the telly with my feet up, and my husband enjoys it on tuna sandwiches.”

“Oh, and the kids love it too,” she continued. “They’re never bored with their lunches when they contain ketamine.”

“Plus the cocaine was making them far too hyperactive,” she added.

The drug, which is available in salt-like packets from all good drug retailers, provides 100% of the recommended daily allowance of “mind-bending psychotropics” and 12% of your daily calcium needs.

It’s also very good for digestion, skin tone, incontinence and “giving you that woozy, confused, wobbly feeling”.

Doctors are urging households to include ketamine as part of a healthy balanced diet with the slogan, “Start the day, the ket way”.

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