Pioneer DJ has this morning announced their latest Rekordbox update will give DJs the ability to upload and sync their CVs with leading job sites.
“We always ask ourselves what is it that DJs really need?” Said Dec Carter, Pioneer DJ’s Head Of Speaking To Wunderground.
“In the past, our answer to that has been things like moving the focus from CDs to MP3s, linked decks, more effects or that time we begged them all to take a few weekends off and get themselves into some proper trauma counselling for their issues.”
“But this year the only real feature any DJ needs is a job application portal.”
“So the latest version of Rekordbox will allow you to upload your CV to most leading job sites on the fly and in the mix, without dropping a beat.”
“It was a really easy functionality to include coding-wise. It uses very little processing power as most DJs have done absolutely fuck all with their lives beside booze it up and lose hard drives, and so their CVs are usually very small.”
“Within the software, you can see what companies you’ve applied to sell your soul, freedom and all of your spare time to, right in the jobs panel alongside your tracks.”
“You can also see what interviews you’ve been accepted for, so it’s really easy to track exactly which cunts are interested in ruining your life for fuck-all per hour.”
“We’re also delighted to announce Rekordbox now integrates with Uber and Deliveroo, so you can accept rides or fares within the mix interface, again without dropping a beat – probably because you’re using sync and couldn’t mix 2 tracks together if you were a railway operator.”
“Obviously, at this point the mix is automatically paused so you reluctantly drag yourself down the stairs to hand-deliver curry chips to some Covid-19-riddled slob while your only real passion and love in life sits paused in your house, laughing at you.”
“That’s a real thing by the way – once you accept a job within the Rekordbox control panel, the mix stops and the software will begin laughing at you on full volume, and this continues non-stop until you’re back at the laptop and ready to continue.”