Graham

A local promoter has revealed he is to replace confetti cannons with ketamine cannons at his next event, in a hope it will appease his “angry” deep house crowd, following a “fuck

A grown man wearing Lynx deodorant has confirmed what everybody suspected about him, he is single and has been for a very long time. Thirty eight year old Trevor Davis, from Surrey,

Tories all over the United Kingdom are believed to be wondering who they will blame drugs on once all of London’s nightclubs are gone. Unwilling to accept that miseducation and the criminalisation

News emerging from Scotland this afternoon suggests that the nation’s alcoholics are now using liquid ketamine as a mixer for their drinks. The latest craze, known as “Jockeying”, is reportedly being encouraged

Club Nightmares, a brand new show from Scotland’s foremost swearer, Gordon Ramsey, is set to have its first episode filmed in Ibiza’s Es Paradis nightclub. Club Nightmares will follow the same format

A man at a rave has been overheard muttering to his friend that “smoking is disgusting”, despite swallowing his third pill in as many hours. Thirty one year old, Nathan Woodhouse, from

The entire world has been left in shock this morning after being viciously assaulted by Chris Brown’s music and deluded antics. According to reports, ninety percent of the world had forgotten about

The ongoing UK drug problem will now completely disappear as Fabric this morning had its licence revoked indefinitely, claimed Sir Jimmy Abreak, the UK’s leading expert on what not to do to

Eastenders’ favourite bad boy, Phil Mitchell, has announced that he is set to team up with German techno legend Sven Väth and form a Right Said Fred tribute act. The unlikely duo