No News Today, So Here’s Another Person That’s Died
Dance music media has been saved from a slow news day by the death of a somewhat-known artist from the 90s. Editors reportedly celebrated the arrival of the news, after a difficult
New Controller Promises Producers Unprecedented Control Over Track They Will Never Release
A new controller has promised producers unprecedented control over the track they are never going to release. The device, which features 16 pads, eight knobs, four faders and a screen that can
Man Who Spent Life Praising Analogue Warmth Dies Cold, Wrong And Surrounded By Records
A man who spent his entire life praising the “analogue warmth” of vinyl has died cold, wrong and surrounded by records. The 54-year-old audiophile was reportedly stranded in freezing conditions following a
Price Of Balloons Will Rise With Inflation, Warn Experts
The price of balloons is set to rise in line with inflation, say economists, balloon experts, and drug dealers. “Any balloon will rise with inflation – that’s common sense” claimed James Sheridan,
New Pioneer Mixer Projects Logo Onto DJs Forehead
The new Pioneer XDJ-2023 has been unveiled, and DJs all over Clubland have been frothing at the gash just to get their hands on it. Possibly the most exciting, cutting-edge feature of
DJ Is An Expert At Syncing Tracks To The Firework Display, Somehow
DJs have evolved the ability to see into the future. Either that, or they’ve developed the ability to mindread stage production staff and know their every move before they make it, scientists
Vinyl Outsells Pop-Tarts For The First Time
In a further sign of Vinyl’s relentless climb back to the top, the format has this week outsold the popular Nineties breakfast treat, pop tarts, for the first time. This news comes
This Festival Announced A Similar Line-Up To Everybody Else, And It’s Apparently Worth Writing A News Piece About
This bog standard festival has announced the same shit they announce every year, and we’re going to pay talented people with hopes and dreams, and better places to be, to sit down
Ticket Tout Retires Due To Lack Of Support From Music Industry
London-based ticket tout Chris Mackie has this morning announced he may never return to his lifelong passion of scalping tickets and slightly diminishing concert-attendees overall enjoyment of events. “I’ll be honest with
CDJ3000 Recalled After ‘Terminator Chip’ Mix-Up
Hundreds of Pioneer’s new CDJs have accidentally been given the CPU of an unstoppable, autonomous cybernetic assassin. Following a factory mishap, many faulty CDJ3000 units are transforming into shapeshifting killer organisms that