A new controller has promised producers unprecedented control over the track they are never going to release.
The device, which features 16 pads, eight knobs, four faders and a screen that can generate unlimited creative excuses to share with loved ones, has been described as “essential” by men who already own enough equipment to not finish music professionally.
“This changes everything,” said one producer, opening Ableton project deep wonky idea final final real one v7 NEW mix copy (9).als.
“Before, I could only endlessly tweak the hi-hat velocity with a mouse, which was really holding me back. Now I can do it with my hands! And the built in excuse generator can help me come up with new reasons why I still can’t actually finish anything despite this breakthrough.”
Early reviews have praised the controller’s intuitive workflow, the “lovely lights on it” and the ability to make creating a four-bar loop feel like you’re not a piece of shit throwing away your life in your spare bedroom / studio… for up to two months.
Music tech experts say the launch reflects a growing demand among producers for devices that provide complete creative freedom without the restriction of actually having to do something with your life.
“It gives users total control,” said one reviewer. “Filter control, modulation control, effects control – everything except the self-control to export the track and have an actual shower.”
At press time, thousands of producers had already pre-ordered the controller and begun imagining people dancing to the music they would release if they weren’t crippled by the overwhelming and never-ending burden of simply existing on planet earth.
