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Ticket Tout Retires Due To Lack Of Support From Music Industry

Ticket Tout Retires Due To Lack Of Support From Music Industry

London-based ticket tout Chris Mackie has this morning announced he may never return to his lifelong passion of scalping tickets and slightly diminishing concert-attendees overall enjoyment of events.

“I’ll be honest with you” said Mackie, “I’m absolutely disgusted at the complete lack of support for people like myself in the music industry. Nothing from the government, nothing from the promoters, nothing from the venues… it’s as if we haven’t been working our socks off in the industry all these years to support them.”

“I’m doing what I can to get by. Bono did a free live stream on his Facebook page last week and I sent an old couple down the road a link to it for only eighty quid. They know nothing about computers so I did them a favour!”

“My whole life has been dedicated to connecting fans with their favourite artists, with a small finder’s fee added on, of course.” 

“All this knock-off jewellery doesn’t buy itself!” 

Mackie has made several applications for the government’s live events relief fund, but has been rejected each time. 

“It’s an absolute joke! They’ll give some child prodigy from god-knows-where a load of money to fund a new piano, but then your average Joe Soap that’s kept this industry afloat since the Eighties doesn’t get a penny.”

“I’ll tell you, when everything is up and running, don’t come crying to me that you’re still selling just as many tickets as you always did, without people getting ripped off and having their nights ruined before they even walk through the door.” 

“Because I might not be there to help.”

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