A nightclub DJ booth was last night surrounded by a herd of increasingly desperate clubbers who hoped it might also function as a public phone-charging station.
Witnesses said the crowd began forming shortly after 2am, when battery levels across the club dipped below 10% and people suddenly remembered they had urgent responsibilities, including filming the back of the DJs head, ordering an Uber to the next photo opportunity, and posting an Instagram story proving how definitely-not-boring they were.
Security say at least 140 “industry folk” aka freeloaders were seen hovering around the booth, staring not at the DJ, but at the row of plug sockets behind the decks like crackheads peeping through a dealers window.
“I thought they were actually connecting with the music,” said the DJ. “And thinking how great I was!”
“Then one girl tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I had a phone charger. She said she would give me head backstage in return.”
“My heart broke. If I’m going to needlessly take advantage of somebody in the crowd, I want it to be about the music!”
The club has since introduced a designated charging area near the toilets where attendees can sit in silence, watch their phones together, and reflect on the fact that one day, we’ll all be dead.
