Bedroom Producer Still Hasn’t Heard About The Pandemic

Enthusiastic young house music producer Jordan Duncan still hasn’t heard about the pandemic that’s been sweeping the globe since last March 2020, according to friends who went looking for him earlier today. 

Duncan, a full-time music producer since 2016, when he downloaded a cracked copy of Ableton having been inspired by the Netflix series ‘The Defiant Ones’, has yet to release any music but has been “really enjoying the process.” 

Having not been seen in public since 2019, some friends who were owed money went looking for the producer. They discovered him around 11 am this morning in his mother’s basement, sleeping upright in a cheap office swivel chair, fully clothed, with his head resting on a giant pile of empty Doritos bags, Dominos boxes, and Diet Coke bottles. 

It is believed the sleeping producer was 498 days into his Ableton session.

“Yeah, when my mates found me this morning I was sitting at my desk” says Duncan. “I was working on some beats, I’ve been really focused on nailing down those initial loops.” 

“I can’t really remember how long I’ve been down here, the days just seemed to blend together, I’m pretty sure it’s nearly a week though.” 

“He owed me a tenner” claims supposed-friend Ian Blake. “Times are tough and all that!” 

“I came looking for him this morning, along with some of the other lads. They thought he might have died down there and wanted to see a dead body, so they tagged along. The idiot was fast asleep with his head in his dinner. He wasn’t even making music, it looked like he had spent the whole night DMing strangers that he was ‘back in the lab’ before passing out in his Pizza.”

“He honestly doesn’t know a thing about the pandemic! He did say the Deliveroo drivers had been ‘pretty standoffish’ of late, but that they hadn’t mentioned anything unusual.”

“Half his family are dead from the virus. I’m sure they thought he was too! I’ll have to break it to him gently. I’ll get my money first, then I’ll tell him” said Blake, in a consoling tone. 

“Ah it’s been a productive session” claims Duncan. “I’ve some absolute stompers in the works with one track pretty close to finished.”

“Another few years at this and I’ll probably be ready to release something!”