Ibiza Club Surpasses Black Hole As the Most Densely Packed Place In The Universe

An Ibizan nightclub has been hailed by physicists as the most densely packed place in the universe, overtaking black holes, Tiesto’s head, and the blessed Madonna’s knickers to claim the title.

Scientists are unsure how the club owners have managed such a feat.

“Scientifically, it shouldn’t be possible” said Dr. Michael Beaterson.

“In a space this densely packed humans would be unable to breathe, or have the blood flow around their bodies… or even have their DNA exist in anything other than a densely compacted atomic nothingness.“

“Yeah, that’s exactly what it was like” said Jordan Clubswetter, who attended the club twice this summer.

“My friend Shelley got a drink and tried to push her way out onto the dance floor, but when she came back she was just a compacted cloud of cosmic dust that had shrunk down into a tiny spec of heavy metal.”

“I said bloody hell shell! You’ve got yourself in a right state!”

“She disappeared through the floorboards and we didn’t see her again for the rest of the night. Or ever, actually.”

“RIP Shell.”

“We bought tickets again for the next night, cos you never know, might have just been an unusually busy night.”

“But when the taxi pulled up outside and immediately got sucked into a vortex behind the main entrance, we said we’d give it a miss.”

“We sat at the hotel and did the last of Shelley’s drugs on the balcony instead, which a was nice tribute to her I suppose.”

“We might go back next year and try again, we’ll see.”

“Depends who’s on the line-up.”