No News Today, So Here’s Another Person That’s Died
Dance music media has been saved from a slow news day by the death of a somewhat-known artist from the 90s. Editors reportedly celebrated the arrival of the news, after a difficult
Price Of Balloons Will Rise With Inflation, Warn Experts
The price of balloons is set to rise in line with inflation, say economists, balloon experts, and drug dealers. “Any balloon will rise with inflation – that’s common sense” claimed James Sheridan,
This Festival Announced A Similar Line-Up To Everybody Else, And It’s Apparently Worth Writing A News Piece About
This bog standard festival has announced the same shit they announce every year, and we’re going to pay talented people with hopes and dreams, and better places to be, to sit down
Ticket Tout Retires Due To Lack Of Support From Music Industry
London-based ticket tout Chris Mackie has this morning announced he may never return to his lifelong passion of scalping tickets and slightly diminishing concert-attendees overall enjoyment of events. “I’ll be honest with
“Virtual Festivals Aren’t Really Festivals” Claim Anyone Capable Of Thought
The internet today collectively gave up on “virtual festivals” after accepting they are nothing of the sort. “A chat window and a badly-shot DJ stream is not the same as being in
Paying Extra £20 For Ticket Does Not Make You A VIP
A report from the clubbing industry has found that paying an extra £20 for your ticket does not make you a VIP. The news comes as a shock to many people who
Cercle To Livestream From The White House
Electronic music livestreamer Cercle has announced that they are to stream a DJ set from the White House this December. The livestream broadcaster, known for streaming from some of the world’s most
English Town Now Has More Promoters Than People
Reports are emerging that suggest a small English town is now home to more promoters than people. The town, Barrows Gate, is located one hundred and fifty miles north of London and
Police Called After Gang Of Ravers Show Up At Wrong Orchestra Show
Police have been called to an Egnlish theatre after a group of rowdy ravers showed up for the wrong orchestra show. The ravers, who have been described as “oldschool and slightly scaldy”,
Archeologists Uncover Gabber Then Bury It Again
In recent news, a group of Oxford archeology students have discovered the oldest recorded version of gabber. The class were astounded to hear the distorted sounds of a pitch-shifted bass blaring from