A report from the clubbing industry has found that paying an extra £20 for your ticket does not make you a VIP.
The news comes as a shock to many people who have been buying their way into VIP areas in recent years.
“Shut up,” Danielle from Essex said upon hearing the news. “I don’t believe it, I’ve been going to nightclubs for years now and I always pay the extra money to get into the VIP area, so how am I not a VIP? It says it on the bloody wristbands you get and everything. What a load of bollox.”
“My boyfriend sells a bit of beak too so we always drink Grey Goose or champagne,” she continued, her voice getting more high pitched the more annoyed she got. “And, we got invited back to an afterparty in Katie Price’s house one time, there’s no way Jordan’s having normal people back to her gaff, we must be VIPs.”
The report claims that, while paying the extra £20 might get you access to the VIP area, your presence there does not necessarily make you a VIP.
Some bloke who looked smart explained, “It takes a lot more than being in a VIP area to make someone an important person,” he told anyone who’d listen. “Just look at the royal family, they’re always in VIP areas when, in reality, they’re the most useless humans in the country. How can they be important? They literally have no use.”
“The really important people in this country are out there working in the hospitals, schools and KFCs and they certainly don’t pay to be there,” continued the person. “It’s the opposite, they get paid to be there, because they’re important, not some coked-up chav with a few extra quid from knocking off a bit of gear.”