The price of balloons is set to rise in line with inflation, say economists, balloon experts, and drug dealers.
“Any balloon will rise with inflation – that’s common sense” claimed James Sheridan, a party balloon enthusiast, imaginary satirical character, and ferocious virgin.
“The cost of helium is on the rise due to inflationary pressure, and so the cost is passed on to consumers, causing the rise you’re seeing in balloons nationwide” claims Ted Bundy, head economist for the BBC, AKA the Boring Balloon Consortium.”
“They’re both talking a load of hot air,” says Jordan Junkbottom, a college student selling balloons to schoolchildren from the back seat of a random bus.
“Balloons are gonna cost more because they’re banning them and supply will go down. Supply goes down, price goes up. It’s basic supply and demand, ya dopes!”
This isn’t the first time the price of balloons has soured in recent years. It’s only two years since a consortium of party supply companies were discovered to be engaging in ‘pump and dump’ tactics when over 5000 fully inflated number-style balloons were found fly-tipped in a field off the M25.
200 Influencers were killed in a car pile-up that day as they rushed to the scene to forage for their follower count in balloon form, a day that has come to be known as ‘the great newsfeed clearout’, with teeth whitening and seaweed moss posts down 87% ever since.
More news on the balloon economy as we have it.