99% Of Dixon’s Clothes Handed Down By His Father
In rather bizarre news from the electronic music industry, it has been revealed that approximately ninety-nine percent of Dixon’s clothes are passed down to him...
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R Kelly & Joseph Fritzl Release Duet ‘Trapped In The Basement’
Kidnap, psychological torture and sexual abuse enthusiasts R Kelly & Joseph Fritzl have today announced an upcoming musical collaboration aptly entitled “Trapped In The Basement”,...
Beckhams Announce Fifth Child Named “Behind Ocean Beach”
Footballing clothes-horse David Beckham has announced that he has successfully porked Posh Spice for a 5th time, marking the occasion with a child to be...
Dame Judi Dench To Record Cover Version Of Tupac’s Hit ‘Em Up
Dame Judi Dench has shocked the entertainment industry by announcing that she is to record a cover version of Tupac’s 1996 hit track Hit ‘Em...
Doctors Now Using Ketamine To Treat Ketamine Addiction
In a move that is being heralded as the “sliced bread of medicine”, doctors have started using ketamine to treat ketamine addiction. After a “major...
Average Essex Resident 10 Times More Tanned Than Ibizan Counterparts
The latest statistics from the tanning industry have confirmed that the average Essex resident is ten times more tanned than their Ibizan counterparts. Unlike the...
Hipsters Now An Endangered Species
A World Wildlife Federation, WWF, spokesperson has today confirmed that hipsters have now moved onto the endangered species list. According to our source, Hipster numbers...
Ibiza Sex Worker To Have Opening Party For Legs
An Ibiza sex worker is reportedly planning a “massive opening party” for her legs later this week. Not to be outdone by superclubs, the Moroccan-born...
Tiger Woods On The Green
International sport’s favorite pantomime villain, Tiger Woods, is reportedly on the green. Sources close to the golfer have confirmed that Woods has been “hitting the...
Bloke Who Plays Songs At Weddings Thinks He’s A DJ
A bloke who plays songs at weddings has caused a stir in the music industry by claiming that he is an actual DJ. Michael Hardy,...
Yard Overrun With Boys After Kelis Makes Milkshake
A yard has reportedly been “overrun with boys” after American R&B singer Kelis made a milkshake. Witnesses claim the yard became “completely impassable” after all...
Ikea Pills Actually A Small Bag Of Ingredients
Local drug sources have confirmed that the super strong batch of Ikea pills currently on the market are actually a small blue and yellow bag...
“Free In Before 11” Secret Code For “Tickets Selling Shite”
A whistleblower within the clubbing industry has revealed that the term “free in before eleven” is actually a secret code for “tickets selling shite”. The...
New Hipster VIP Areas Have Camomile Champagne, Gold-Plated Coco-Pops & No Working-Class Scum
In an effort to stay relevant and profitable during the current hipster recession across the UK, Hipster bars, cafes and organic porridge meet-ups have begun...
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