Kethead Locked In Portaloo Since 2019 ‘Glad To Be Free’

A lad who purchased what he is calling ‘a fairly decent sized bag of Ket’ has this morning stumbled out of the portaloo he has called home since 2019, asking builders on the construction site he had wound up on “any idea what time Jamie Jones plays the main stage?”

Joe Riorden, a self proclaimed ‘sensible soul’ entered the Portaloo during Creamfields 2019 for “a sniff… and a bit of a think”, however proceeded to enter what he says was “the mother of all K Holes”

“Honestly, I just melted down through the toilet seat and my consciousness sat stewing like a giant vat of liquid poo at the bottom of an endless plastic well.”

“At once stage, I started to come around – or so I thought. I looked out the portaloo window and could see all of these white hospital tents in a town centre. Everybody was walking around with surgical masks on their face, and staying literally meters apart from each other.”

“They were pulling people in to get vaccinated, and there were queues out the door. Weird! And I’m thinking, whoaaaa… this is one fucked up trip.”

“Next thing I know, this couple dashes past the mesh portaloo window with two shopping trollies full of bog roll, fucking piles of Kittensoft, like it was the last bit of shite-rag on earth. Random as hell.”

“I thought… this k-hole is getting worse. Better do another line to straighten myself out.”

“Only ran out of gear a little while ago to be honest”

“Was I in there long?”