A climate protester has this morning glued himself to the telly and has told his Mum that under no circumstances will he be moved for the day.
“I’ve been out all week saving the planet” said Pete Green. “I need a day off.”
“It’s hard work dragging crates of Tomato Soup around every art gallery in town, but somebody’s got to save the world.”
“I’m becoming a kind-of eco Superman, one soiled painting at a time.”
When asked about his eco crusade, Pete says “It all started pretty organically. Literally. When I heard David Attenborough describe on the BBC what’s happening to the Polar Bears, I threw some organic Tomatoes at the television.”
“I immediately knew I was onto something.”
“When I heard global warning has passed the 1 degree mark and climate scientists said we had passed the point of no return, I went down to the local primary school and ripped up all the kids easter projects. It was just pure instinct man!”
“And then I was torn… how am I going to save this planet for future generations? Do I throw food at stuff or do I smash up art?
“As the words came out of the mouth, the clouds parted and a giant finger-looking cloud pointed at me, the earth rumbled under my feet, and a voice from the heavens boomed “ITS YOU!”
“It was written in the clouds. I was my destiny to do both. Since then, I’ve stuck cheese strings up sculptures bums, used ancient pottery to cook beans in the microwave and didn’t clean up afterwards… and one time I met an actual artist on Bumble and stuffed Fish Fingers up their bum when they weren’t expecting it.”
“Global warming? Not on my watch buddy!”
“Anyway. Even Superman had a day off. Homes Under The Hammer… here I come!”