No News Today, So Here’s Another Person That’s Died
Dance music media has been saved from a slow news day by the death of a somewhat-known artist from the 90s. Editors reportedly celebrated the arrival of the news, after a difficult
School Teacher Forced To Intervene As Tour Manager Dad Gives Honest Career Talk
A school teacher was forced to intervene yesterday after a tour manager giving a career talk began explaining what his job actually involves. The man had been invited to speak during “Bring
“Best Nap I’ve Had In Years’ Says Conference Panel Attendee
Conference panel attendees live an average of 4.5 years longer than the rest of us, mostly due to all the additional sleep, claims the new International Business Techno Report On Business Trends
Tour Manager Not Really Sure What His Job Is
The tour manager of a popular British DJ has admitted that he isn’t really sure what his job actually entails. Now into his third year of employment, Barry Smith claimed that when
Apology Ghostwriters Set To Be Next Big Trend In Dance Music
Apology ghostwriters are set to be the biggest craze in dance music with more and more artists fucking up and needing to make apologies. Foul-mouthed racist rants, misogynistic views and unwanted attention
Opening DJ Wants To Know Can He Borrow Headphones
An opening DJ is hopeful of borrowing a set of headphones to perform his set as he hasn’t yet managed to buy himself a set good enough to use while playing out.
5 Out Of 5 Sound Engineers “Zone Out” When DJs Talk To Them
A recent survey has found that approximately one hundred percent of sound engineers completely “zone out” during conversations with DJs. While some sound engineers have admitted they would engage in conversations with
Sound Engineers Genetically Less Likely To Smile
A recent article in Genetics Weekly, a little known magazine set in the murky world of genetics, has revealed that sound engineers may, in fact, be incapable of smiling. Dr Paul Bonapart,
Promoter Celebrates Lifelong Goal Of Paying Rent On Time
A local promoter is reportedly celebrating this morning after achieving his lifelong goal of paying his rent on time. Paul Durkin, one of the only surviving grime promoters left in the UK,
Sound Engineer Has Zero Fucks Left To Give To Promoter
A sound engineer has warned all promoters to stay out of his way during an upcoming event, insisting that he has “zero fucks” left to give them. Andy Barton, a failed musician