Graham

News emerging from the Netherlands today suggests that the latest crop of DJs is nearly ready to be harvested. Farm owner and the Netherland’s leading DJ grower Albert Aaldenburg has been cultivating

A shocking ninety percent of the world’s recording studios have been revealed as little more than “parents’ basements”, according to research carried out by Hotpress magazine. The magazine also revealed that around

A man who was heavily under the influence of drugs has claimed that “drug driving is fine” while sitting in a bus that he thought was a car. Despite being in his

England’s favourite sex offender, George Michael, has reportedly left Berlin techno institute Berghain after spending seven hundred and thirty two consecutive days in the club’s notorious dark rooms. Surviving on a diet

News of the decriminalisation of drugs in Ireland has been well received by Irish drug dealers who are looking forward to being rewarded with “cushy civil service jobs”. John “Madser” Walshe, an

Richie Hawtin has reportedly bought an entire new wardrobe after watching the American prison drama Orange is the New Black. Hawtin, best known for wearing black, has apparently been “binge watching” the

The world’s favourite animatronic dick faced dingbat, Anklepants, has reportedly lost his chin to testicular cancer. Anklepants, no tot be confused with a pair of ill-fitting trousers, underwent an emergency orchiectomy in

Ayrshire Police received a number of calls this morning, reporting a “zombie like man” walking up Kilmarnock’s High Street, which on further investigation turned out to be man who was on his

A London Hipster is to spend the majority of today trying to convince himself that £3.99 is a fair price to pay for a bowl of cereal after an early morning visit

English dance music stalwart and Ibiza veteran Brandon Block has revealed that “the 90s were great” as far as he can remember. Speaking at a recent conference covering why “most modern dance