A London Hipster is to spend the majority of today trying to convince himself that £3.99 is a fair price to pay for a bowl of cereal after an early morning visit to Shoreditch’s Cereal Killer Cafe.
Peter “White Fang” White, a nineteen year old art student, made a quick stop at the Brick Lane cafe this morning after his mother “ruined his French toast” by applying too much powdered sugar.
“I really need my breakfast every morning, if I don’t eat before ten o’clock I’ll be a total cunt for the whole day,” explained Peter, who actually seemed like a bit of a cunt anyway. “So I decided I’d swing by Cereal Killer for a quick bowl of cereal. It’s a very cool place, they have all the best cereals that you’ve never heard of.”
“They’ll even let you mix two different cereals together in the same bowl, you just don’t get those sort of options in a normal caff,” continued “White Fang”, a nickname he gave himself because “it’s cool and Indian and stuff”. “I went for the Japanese shit nuggets and some really obscure South American cereal that’s made out of actual coca leaves called Kick Start, all served with ice cold semi skimmed milk.”
“£3.99 is a really fair price for such an exotic bowl of cereal. Isn’t it?” he asked reservedly. “I know you can probably buy a whole box of cereal and a couple of litres of milk for less than that but you don’t get the novelty of having an old guy with a beard and tight trousers serving it to you, do you?”
“If I’m being honest, I was expecting it to be a little cheaper,” revealed Peter, who now considers himself an expert in rare breakfast cereals. “But that’s OK, I’m pretty sure I looked totally awesome sitting in there eating my cereal and there’s really good footfall up Brick Lane so hopefully a lot of cool people saw me in there.”
“I haven’t really got enough money for my lunch now but I’ve had a good breakfast so it’s fine, I’ll just have a bag of crisps later. I heard there’s a place around the corner that sells packs of Lays for £3, they’re exactly the same as Walkers, only foreign, so I’ll probably pick a pack of those up at some stage.”