In news that is set to shock the dance music establishment it has emerged today that world famous DJ, Nick Warren, has used money pledged by fans as part of his The Soundgarden compilation album project to purchase hair implants for friend and ofttimes DJ partner Hernan Cattaneo.
The Pledge Music project, which Nick has been promoting across his social media platforms was purportedly to help fund the production of Nick’s new The Soundgarden CD compilation series, but instead the money raised has been used to “keep Hernan’s hair the extravagant mane it should be”.
Investigators claimed that when they went through Nick’s accounts they found evidence that he had paid money raised through Pledge Music to fund a hair transplant op for Hernan plus “an assortment of combs, colourings and styling sessions”, as well as paying “for a motorcycle ride to let his hair billow in the wind” and also “hiring a group of daintily fingered women to spend several hours continuously running their fingers through Hernan’s newly coiffured and cared-for hairdo”.
“They’ve got a fantastic friendship and Nick loves nothing more than going back to back with Hernan and smelling his hair,” claimed a source close to Nick. “The hair always smells faintly of hyacinth in a twilit summer garden, and Nick loves that, so the last thing he wants is for his friend to lose his evocative-smelling hair, which is why Nick did what he did.”
Reports indicate that the two friends would often spend hours playing “ride the pony” between sets, which would involve Nick riding piggy back on Hernan and using his hair as reigns. Whilst they would do this happily for hours laughing together, it’s believed that it “directly contributed” to Hernan needing the hair transplant.
“Hernan is known for his luscious flowing mane,” said the insider. “When he realised that his hair was starting to lose some of its lustre he came to Nick for help. He would have lost earnings, as well as hours of bonding time with Nick, had his friend not of stepped in and agreed to help pay for the treatment. When you book Hernan Cattaneo you expect the luxuriant mane of a South American rebel, not some balding guy hunched over a desk.”
Nick claims that he still plans to release the Soundgarden compilation at its original date of the 9th of June and apologises to anyone who may have been offended by his actions while assuring that he only did it “out of friendship, duty, and the love of Hernan’s exuberant head of luscious hair”.
LMAO đ