The Generic Awareness Society (GAS) have today announced Calvin Harris’s Summer to be the winner of their coveted ‘Most Generic Song Title Award’ in this year’s International Generic Awareness Awards.
Harris’s previous attempts to win the title of ‘Most Generic Song Title’ have included I Need Your Love, Thinking About You, Feel So Close and Let Go, all of which received a nod from the academy for their noble attempt in previous years.
The Generic Awareness Society was formed last year in the United States of Generica, a country which is renowned for doing only that which has been done at least once by every other country in the world like hosting self congratulatory award ceremonies, have a sports team and go to war numerously.
The awards were held in the National Conference Centre in the capital city, “Capital City” where people flocked from all over the nation to see the awards, and like in every other country, the ceremony itself was broadcast on national television, on “Channel One”.
Calvin Harris, seen here in a generic DJ pose promo shot, did not attend the event due to an attack of chronic indifference, however he was represented at the event by a pair of obnoxious sunglasses which his management company had shipped in with the message, “That’ll do,” attached to them. His non-attendance was accepted by the attendees as it was something which had happened at other award ceremonies in the past.
Other awards handed out on the night included: ‘Most Generic Television Program’ which has been won annually by all of the CSI franchise shows since they began airing. The ‘Most Generic Statement’ award was won by soccer “pundit” Gary Neville for his expertly underwhelming statement – “Young players improve with time”.
‘Most Generic Genre’ was surprisingly won this year by film noir for its incessant necessity to adhere to convention with honourable mention being given to EDM for the same reasons.
The Main Man, Big Honcho and Head Cheese of the Generic Awareness Society, Mr. John Smith, released a statement this morning. “We are proud of our winners, and commiserate those who did not win. We hope that everyone had fun at the event and can attend next year.”
The statement has been widely condemned by the press in the United States of Generica as “reckless and wild,” stating that he went too far beyond the bounds of convention leading to a large scale riot breaking out in the streets which was described as “the usual people brawling and setting cars alight”. The riot was (as it is in other countries) soon stopped by a Government who would rather quell a populace with water cannons than actually listen to what is that they want.
Calvin Harris’s acceptance speech, which was read by his manager via satellite, stated that “Calvin will strive to continue his unbroken run of generic song titles. His next album, which is called My Feelings, will contain such unforgettable hits as Love is a Feeling; Calling You; I Think This is Love and of course, the first single This Song is For You. We hope to see everyone at the Generic Society next year for the awards.”
We here at Wunderground would like to congratulate Calvin on his win and his amazing ability to adhere to convention. Long may it last.
