Parents all across the Netherlands have been left upset after the Dutch government announced plans to introduce a “one EDM producer policy” which will see the number of EDM producers restricted to one per household.
The policy, similar to China’s “one child policy”, is set to tackle the country’s growing number of EDM producers as ever increasing numbers of parent encourage their children to enter the EDM industry.
“The Netherlands is the spiritual home of EDM,” claimed the Dutch Minister of Culture Claus Von Schiit. “Anyone who is anyone in the EDM industry is either Dutch or has a close connection with the Netherlands. We’re just really good at making cheesy EDM music, just like we’re really good at making cheesy edam cheese.”
“Parents are seeing EDM production as an easy way for even the stupidest of children to become successful,” claimed Mr. Von Schitt. “If we look at Afrojack or Hardwell, men who have had huge success as EDM producers despite hardly being able to string two words together, it’s clear that even the biggest morons can enjoy lucrative success in the industry.”
“At the moment about one in five teenagers who graduate high school in the Netherlands are pursuing a career as an EDM producer,” continued the politician. “This is already an alarmingly high number and if the current trend continues this could be as high as four out of five by the year 2025, which would have a devastating effect on all other industries in the country.”
“By implementing the “one EDM producer policy” now we’ll drastically reduce these numbers, thus ensuring the future of our country and significantly lowering the amount of shitty EDM tracks we inflict on the world,” he continued. “Everyone’s a winner.”
Ducth EDM producer Tiësto, known to many as the godfather of EDM, has slammed the government’s announcement claiming the policy makers are little more than “stupid hippies” who “care more about preserving the country for future generations than they do about getting rich by relieving white American EDM fans of their disposable income”.
