Man Discovers Miracle Hangover Cure – Not Drinking
A young British man has today stunned the medical establishment with the discovery of a so-called miracle cure for the effects of hangover which he has tentatively called “not drinking”.
Darren Albright, pictured here smiling having cured himself from hangover disease, claims that his remarkable idea can be adopted by anyone and used to treat hangovers for zero cost across the world.
Mr. Albright has been suffering from hangovers ever since his father allowed him to “sneak a sip” of beer when he was thirteen and claims that throughout the years “they’ve only gotten worse, and more deserved”.
Like a lot of world changing discoveries, Albright discovered the hangover treatment entirely by mistake “when on his way home from work [he] was chased by an especially mean dog and had to escape by running through some gardens, eventually hiding in a wheelie bin which caused [him] to miss the off license”.
“Naturally my first thought was that I should probably drink some Windolene for its minimal alcohol content, a serving suggestion I once saw made my former Irish footballer Paul McGrath,” explained Darren. “I didn’t do that though, in the end I just had a nice big wank, ate some ice cream and fell asleep.”
“I woke up the next day 100% hangover free,” he continued. “I know it sounds crazy but it works, I tried not drinking for 7 nights straight and every time I woke up with my hangover not just cured, but like it never even existed.”
Medical practitioners have called Darren’s discovery “game changing” and believe that it could help “millions of people daily not feel a bit like they just want to curl up in a duvet and watch Friends“.
“Whenever you’re out with your friends celebrating a birthday or having a nice bottle or three of wine with dinner instead of drinking, just don’t,” pitched the young thinker whose revolutionary ideas have drawn comparisons with Einstein, Marx and Ford. “I know that seems like a lot to ask but it actually isn’t.”
“It’s basically a Copernican shift in how doctors treat hangovers,” claimed one doctor who for years had been treating hangovers using the traditional method of the hair of the dog, “to say it’s revolutionary is an understatement, I just can’t believe we’ve never thought of it before.”
Clinical trials have indicated that the cure is absolutely 100% effective provided the patient doesn’t imbibe any alcohol for a few days with “the only drawback being that you can’t drink” meaning most people will forgo the cure and continue to suffer hangovers indefinitely.