A techno snob, who says that he listened to Detroit legend Derrick May “before he could even walk” and refuses to listen to other genres of dance music he considers “frilly and gay”, has been discredited after he was caught humming a song by American pop-strumpet Katy Perry.
26 year old Adam Harris, from Dublin, was reportedly taking a shower at a friends house before a planned night out at a local club when the incident was said to take place.
“The bathroom door was unlocked so I thought I’d sneak in and take a quick piss and to put my pills in my sock before I left the house,” explained Adam’s former friend Kevin. “But what I heard coming from behind the shower curtain chilled me to my core. At first I thought it must be some new vocal heavy banger that I hadn’t heard and that at any moment Adam would start beat boxing the bass, but he never did.”
“He just kept singing Katy Perry’s Roar for like the whole time I was there,” he continued. “I only knew it was that song because my sister is always listening to it. I actually don’t like Katy Perry either for the record.”
Kevin claims he shook off his urine tipped penis and ran back into the kitchen to deliver the devastating news to friends who he said were “aghast” and “felt betrayed”.
“When he walked into the room there was nothing we could do but stage an intervention, explain that I overheard him and tell him that as a result he could no longer lord it over people with his knowledge of early 90s Slam records and moan when house is played at parties.”
“He went white as a white sheet and stuttered that it wasn’t Katy Perry, that it was a little known vocal heavy techno track from 1994 but we saw through him,” continued Kevin. “He then tried to say that it was actually a Marcel Dettmann remix of Katy Perry but no such thing exists.”
Adam is said to be devastated that he has lost his status as a techno snob and claims he’s ashamed to show his face in public which will cause him to miss gigs by “Dave Clarke, Rødhåd and Karenn” in the next 6 months, all of whom he’d been billing as his picks for the year – as if that meant something.
Some of Adam’s circle are said to be glad that he was “found out” because his “blatant snobbery, constant references to Berlin and admonishment of any other genre was becoming tiresome and predictable”.
“I just massively lost respect for him, if I didn’t know a track I’d ask him, I’d have to weather his snarky teacher like contempt but it was worth it cause he always knew his shit. But now that he listens to Katy Perry I just don’t know anymore.”
