Negativity surrounding the usage of popular psychedelic drug ketamine has been dismissed this week after pro-ketamine pressure group SPANK (Society for Prevention of Aggression and Negativity to Ketheads) issued a statement defending its patrons.
Ketamine users are often the butt of jokes at clubs, parties and airport waiting lounges for comatosing themselves, drooling and in extreme cases engaging in telekinesis, whilst non users engage in superficial yet highly entertaining conversation.
SPANK spoke out today in their defence. “Prejudice against ketamine users has gone on long enough. Just because your empty chitchat enthralls you it does not mean the innocent kethead next door wants to listen. It is because of this we often pretend to be asleep.”
“On other occasions we may well be ‘just really tired'” continued SPANK member Russel Chumbles. “It is incredibly draining to actually see music in its pure form, wobbling around like that. The grimey sub bass rippling through my mind requires a lot of focus. There are also the elongated break downs in trance music to get through, the feigning of a slight cold and being nice to people so they include you in the next round of lines. Hashtag strenuous?” He finished ironically.
Many ketamine users report being stuck in ‘the sleep loop’. The harrowing effect of which is ‘doing a fat one’ then ‘needing a nap’, followed by ‘feeling much better’ about twenty minutes later. This can be repeated six or seven times over the course of a night, with many ‘sleep loop’ victims evicted from parties after being falsely accused of repeatedly ‘wanking in Michelle’s bedroom’.
Drug Czar Olaf Ainthey criticized the release of SPANK’s statement, accusing the organization of being “irresponsible and creative with the truth”, claiming, “They are definitely not asleep. You can see by the faint hint of a smile on a users lips and the fact that a roaming ket-eye seems to be examining the features of another world.”
“The truth of the matter is that ketamine sends an individual on an incredibly powerful psychedelic journey, often leading to poignant realisations and an understanding of ones place within the universe. This is then forgotten almost instantly,” he added. “They are never asleep. They are having a great time in their own terrifying mental construct.”
Follow the Society for Prevention of Abuse & Negativity to Ketheadz @spanksamillion
