A report released by the DEA earlier today claims that American drug dealers are now offering their customers “fries with that”.
The reports suggests that the legalisation of cannabis in some states has led drug dealers to explore other avenues to subsidise the once lucrative pot business.
“Drug dealers are some of the most resourceful entrepreneurs in the country,” explained DEA operative Daniel DeMarco during a chat with Wunderground. “They’ve been hit hard by the loosening of drug policies and it’s not surprising to see them coming up with other ways to make some extra cash.”
According to the report, sightings of portable deep fat fryers are becoming a common occurrence in some of the country’s most notorious drug hot-spots and dealers are making up to an extra two dollars per transaction thanks to the ingenious new scheme.
“American people just aren’t able to say no when someone asks them if the want fries with that,” claimed small time Los Angeles drug dealer Lil’ Ronald McDonald. “So we’ve made these fryers using old garbage cans and we’re slinging fries instead of weed. Business is good. I’m gonna start selling sodas too. You know you can add a regular fries and regular soda for just four dollars kinda thing? Who needs weed man?”
“I’m thinking I might even try opening up my own restaurant out here on the streets some day,” continued Lil Ronald McDonald. “I’ll serve burgers, fries, sodas and everything will be sprinkled with a little bit of crack to keep you coming back for more. I haven’t really thought about a name for it yet but I’ll probably just call it Lil Ron’s or something like that.”
Government agencies have issued a warning against eating unregulated fries, claiming that the fries are even more dangerous than the weed they are replacing and could lead to a number of physical and psychological health problems and that people should stick to buying their fries in places like McDonald’s and Burger King where the fries are “wholesome and nutritious”.
