A holidaymaker in Ibiza has arrived back to her apartment having forgotten to buy water and so is now necking Cava straight from the bottle instead claiming “fuck it, I’m on me holidays”.
30-year-old Siobhan Thornton, a granddaughter of four from Bolton, was reported to have made the error in purchasing after, like every British Isles holidaymaker, becoming enraptured by how cheap the supermarkets are.
“I was meant to buy water but having an adequate water supply back at home in Bolton I just forgot,” she explained. “Also the kitchen tongs here are a good 80% cheaper than they are back home so I had to buy ’em even though I don’t have a cooker in the apartment.”
“When I arrived home and realised my mistake the Cava was the only option to quench my thirst,” continued Siobhan who described her thirst as dry as something that stays very dry, witty metaphors not being her forte. “So I cracked out a glass, went out on the balcony and played with the kitchen tongs.”
Siobhan claims that the bottle of Cava was already opened and was her only option despite her flatmates, having arrived home from a day of counting man buns in San Antonio (number too high to print), claiming that the fridge was stocked with cans of Coke Zero and other non-alcoholic beverages.
“There was plenty there to drink,” explained Siobhan’s friend Melissa, “so her claims that she had nothing to drink are just an excuse for her to drink Cava at 10am on the balcony.”
“I arrived home to find her lying on her stomach, sunburnt with an empty bottle of Cava in one hand and the broken arm of a kitchen tongs in the other, asleep but very much lubricated.”
