The planned MTV spin-off series, Ibiza Shore, has been dramatically cancelled today after an open audition on the island was inundated with people who all dressed identically and fit the bill for the sort of overpumped, sex-crazed morons that the show promotes.
An open audition for becoming a cast member on the show was held in San Antonio yesterday but was overrun within minutes when an army of Ocean Beach Action Man types replete with mankinis, snapbacks and bumbags began smashing up cars and assaulting people in a bid to see who was the most “hench” and laddish.
“Have you seen that film World War Z where all the zombies are aggressive and fast, it was exactly like that except with tanned and cretinous deep house fans,” explained show producer Adam Furlong. “I’ve never seen so many creatine swelled biceps in one place before, I’ll be honest, it scared me.”
Witnesses have described how “a sea of Pauly D lookalikes wearing luminous vests shuffled their way up to the building loudly chanting moronic hit House Every Weekend and drinking WKD”.
“They were rowdy already, I think most of them hadn’t fingered anyone, or been fingered themselves, in several minutes so they were extremely aggressive, like a dog in heat or a person from Newcastle,” continued a witness. “It was only a matter of time before they kicked off.”
The spokesperson for the show claimed that the audition would have been a rousing success if they were looking for a cast of thousands of dimwitted fame hungry gimps but unfortunately they only had room for eight.
“Everyone who showed up was perfect for the show, they had that look that says ‘try as hard as you might to be bulky you still look laughable,'” continued Adam. “Their attitude was perfect too, as our show is looking for people who permanently display the kind of maturity that a seventeen year old would after having had his or her first drink.
“It’s a real shame we can’t take them all but police and local politicians have warned us that if we can’t narrow down the population of embarrassing imbeciles to eight then we have to close up shop,” concluded Adam. “We’ll just have to go with our original plan and film the show in Magaluf.”
Reports from Magaluf have claimed that the island has been shut down by a tactical Special Forces outfit who were called after every British holidaymaker on the island simultaneously began applying fake tan and acting their most annoyingly boisterous in a bid to make it onto the show.
An SOS transmission received from members of the tactical team in Magaluf contained the muffled sounds of gunfire, lads shouting “top bants” and grown men crying in terror before the voice of an injured man began repeating the words “the horror” over and over again until a bloodcurdling scream ended the communique.
