California based electronic music stalwart Claude VonStroke’s London office has been inundated with sex workers after the DJ advertised for a “London based Dirtybird intern”.
VonStroke, owner of Dirtybird Records, is currently expanding his label to the UK and is in the process of filling a number of roles including the ill fated Dirtybird intern position.
“We’ve got a lot going on out here in the UK at the moment,” explained label boss Derek Barnes. “We’re opening a new London office so naturally we’ve got a lot of positions to fill, we thought it would be a good idea to hold open interviews for the role of the Dirtybird office intern but we got a lot more than we bargained for. I guess the term ‘Dirtybird’ has a whole different meaning over here.”
According to witnesses reports, approximately two hundred and fifty female sex workers descended on the office yesterday afternoon.
“It was fuckin’ mental,” claimed eyewitness Steve, a fruit and veg stall owner. “One minute it was just a normal afternoon and the next the place was covered in brazzers. It looked like a mix between an episode of Geordie Shore and a zombie apocalypse. I just packed me stall up and went ‘ome. You’re never going to sell a few plumbs in those conditions.”
Backdoor Annie, a sex worker who responded to the advertisement, also spoke to Wunderground, “Well if you ask me I think I should get the job because I’m the dirtiest bird in all of London. Most of the other girls there weren’t even slightly dirty, well their skin and fannies probably were but not dirty like old Annie here.”
“I’ll do anything me, if the price is right. These yankee boys won’t know what’s hit ‘em,” continued Annie who claims to have had her back doors smashed in more times than a drug dealer’s ground floor apartment. “The job, like many other things, will be well safe in old Annie’s hands.”
According to VonStroke, a suitable candidate for the position has been found and the office will open in the second week of August when Wayne Rooney “fucks off back to Manchester.”
