A twelve year old dance music fan has labeled his Hardwell doll as “a bit gay” after receiving it as a birthday present from his parents earlier this week.
Alan Smith reportedly told classmates that he just got “a few bob” off his parents for his birthday because he thought he would get slagged off, or even bullied, if he had told the truth about his present.
“I don’t really like the present at all,” admitted Smith in an exclusive playground chat with Wunderground. “First off, Hardwell is a bit shit, I used to like him but that was last year, I was only eleven back then and I didn’t really know anything about music. My tastes have matured a lot over the past twelve months and I just don’t really like him anymore.”
“Then there’s also the fact that it’s a doll, boys don’t really play with dolls cause they’re a bit gay init,” suggested the pre-teen. “If it had of been an action man that would have been fine but he doesn’t even come with any weapons or anything, just four CDJs, when have you ever even seen Hardwell use four CDJs.
“I might have got away with it if they were turntables, but the older lads would batter me if they seen me with a doll with CDJs, they’re proper old school they are,” continued Alan. “It’s also just a bit of a shit present, it can’t be worth more than £40. My mate Jamie got an X-Box One and a new pair of trainers for his birthday and alls I get is a doll. I fucking hate having my birthday so close to Christmas.”
“I definitely don’t want to play with it, so I’m going to leave it unopened in the box and hope that it gathers value over the years but I’ve a feeling that, in a few years time, everyone will have forgotten about Hardwell, his music and his dolls.”
Unconfirmed reports from the North Pole suggest there is zero demand for Hardwell Dolls on Santa Claus’s Christmas list this year prompting his Elves to replace Hardwell’s head with a Barbie head and give them to little girls as “Paris Hilton DJ Dolls”.
