Fears are growing in America today after it was reported that Donald Trump’s electoral Christmas Party passed off without a hitch, leaving everybody inside alive.
Scores of bystanders had gathered outside L.A.’s Marriott Hotel in the hope of some form of disaster. However, the crowd started to disperse shortly after midnight when it became apparent that the party had gone off according to plan.
“It was all a bit of an anticlimax,” claimed one eyewitness. “We came all the way down from Seattle in the hope there’d be a fire or an earthquake or something but, alas, it wasn’t to be, everybody in there is totally fine and now I have to go home to my kids and explain to them how such a horrible, racist cretin can be such an alive and powerful person, it’s a strange old world.”
According to single mother Samantha Lopez, she had been praying all week for something drastic to happen during the Christmas party, rumoured to have cost Trump over $250k, but has now been left questioning her faith and life itself after her prayers went unanswered.
“I can’t believe god is just sitting by letting this moron get away with all the hate he’s spreading,” said a worried looking Lopez. “I’ve been praying so hard and got nothing. Maybe I’m praying to the wrong god, I’ve been seriously considering converting to Islam and declaring a Jihad on this bitch myself.”
Reports indicate that Ms. Lopez is not the only American citizen considering a change of faith due to the growing momentum of Trump’s campaign.
“We’re seeing people up and down the country converting to Islam and being radicalised after hearing Trump speak,” claimed expert Matt Smith. “And I can’t blame them either. If that guy was the president of America I’d want to go to war with us, he’s doing far more recruitment for ISIS than any propaganda campaign ever will.”
Rumours of a food poisoning outbreak after Trump was spotting getting sick into a plant pot were put to bed after it was confirmed that the Presidential candidate had had one too many Bacardi Breezers rather than a dose a salmonella.
