A man in Nottingham, England, has been left in a severe state of shock after discovering that his new girlfriend actually knows about techno.
Trevor White admitted to being “absolutely flummoxed” after his new girlfriend claimed that she preferred Lewis Lastella’s remix of Jeff Mill’s timeless techno anthem The Bells to the original.
“It was really weird, I mentioned something about The Bells thinking that it would go way over head and make her think that I’m really knowledgeable about techno,” explained Mr. White earlier today. “And then she goes, ‘I love The Bells, have you heard the Lewis Lastella remix? It’s way better than the original’, I couldn’t believe my ears.”
“Obviously she was totally fucking wrong, The Bells is perfection so there’s no way any remix is better than the original, but, wrong or not, she still actually has an above average knowledge of techno, which was totally shocking,” continued White, who admitted thinking his new girlfriend would probably be into feminine music like Deep House or R&B. “I’m only just coming around to the idea now, at first it was a bit intimidating but now I’m kind of turned on by it.”
“Before the incident, which I’m cleverly calling Techno Gate because we were standing by a gate when it happened, I was kind of thinking that things weren’t really working out between the two of us,” revealed White, who claims to be a DJ himself, despite not owning any DJing equipment. “I was planning on just shagging her a couple of times, then ignoring her for two weeks and eventually dumping her by text message, you know, to let her down gently.”
“But that’s all changed now,” claimed White. “I’m not sure if I’m in shock or what’s going on but I think I might be in love with the girl. I’m going to ask her to marry me, the thoughts of a life spent taking drugs together at festivals and talking about techno, me telling her that she’s wrong and asserting my dominance with an aggressive tone of voice, is totally filling me with joy, plus she’s got a great rack so I think I’ve finally found ‘the one’,”
Unconfirmed reports suggest that Mr. White’s planned marriage proposal was scrapped after a row about whether it’s “Adam Beyer & Ida Engberg or Ida Engberg & Adam Beyer” forced the couple to rethink their relationship and “take a break”.
