The debate about public breastfeeding is set to continue today, after a man who was arrested for sucking his girlfriend’s tit in public defended his actions by claiming he was breastfeeding.
Mark Waldron, twenty three, claimed that he was “over tired” and “a little tetchy” when the incident occurred in Baltimore, Maryland, yesterday evening.
Wunderground spoke to Waldron earlier, “What can I say? It had been a long day and I’d hardly eaten anything since breakfast. I was supposed to meet my girlfriend, Julie, for dinner at seven o’clock but I got delayed and couldn’t meet her until eight fifteen. I was totally fucking starving.”
“I just couldn’t wait to go to a restaurant, order food and wait for it to be served,” explained Waldron. “I had to have a little taste, just to tide me over, so I grabbed Julie, pulled her top down and got my nosh on. If I hadn’t of had a sip on the nip who knows what would have happened? We could have been looking at a full scale temper tantrum and, believe me, you do not want to see me when I’m angry.”
“I don’t know what asshole called the police, I can’t have been attached for longer than five or six minutes. Some people are just so stuck up.”
According to police records, a number of calls were made reporting lewd behaviour in Baltimore’s Charles Village neighbourhood between 8:17pm and 8:25pm yesterday evening.
“It was disgusting,” claimed eyewitness Vera Smith, seventy three. “I was out walking my dog, George Bush, when I saw that couple acting like they were in a whore house. Is that what America’s coming to. If I had of had my gun with me I would have shot them both on the spot.
However, according to another witness, twenty three year old Adam Parkes, the incident was “the greatest thing that’s ever happened to Baltimore”.
“What’s not to like man?” asked Parkes enthusiastically. “That dude was just sucking away on that big ol’ titty. It was totally fucking awesome! Just like porn, only not on the internet. There’s no way I called the police, the only people I called were my friends to tell them to ‘get down here and see this’. It was a total bummer when the cops arrived, they’re lucky they didn’t cause a riot stopping that shit.”
According to the Chief of Police, Ervin Burrell, Mr. Parkes will face no charges after yesterdays incident, claiming that “breastfeeding is one of the most natural things in the world” and that “boobs are great and they belong in mouths”.
