The former cocaine dealer of the multinational music corporation SFX Entertainment has been left wondering who’s going to pick up the bill after the company announced that it was filing for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy yesterday.
According to dealer Juan Chavez, SFX Entertainment board members ran up a bill of over $11,000 in the weeks leading to yesterday’s announcement, which will now need to be paid before the company is stripped of its assets.
“Those rich white dudes sure do know how to make coke disappear quickly,” claimed Chavez during a chat with Wunderground this morning. “For a while, I thought they were all magicians because, not only was the coke going quickly, all the dudes would disappear when the bill had to be paid too.”
“It’s getting ridiculous at this stage, those guys are into me for like eleven grand,” revealed Mr. Chavez. “I kept giving them more because, you know, they’re business men, with college degrees, who have nice cars and houses and families and shit, those guys would never try to rip you off. They’re good honest people who earn an honest buck. I was sure I could trust them to pay.”
“Then I started hearing all of this shit about $200 or $300 million in debt getting wiped out just because some motherfuckers say they’re going bankrupt,” continued a slightly nervous looking Chavez. “I hope those assholes don’t think the $11k they owe me is included in that debt because this bad-ass essay needs to get paid, word. That coke went straight up their noses and and my credit system ain’t like a banks. I don’t burn bondholders, I burn cars and houses.”
“The business world is ice cold man,” he empathetically claimed. “How can these guys just make that much debt disappear while those ass hats in the boardroom are still sitting in their mansions eating caviar with silver spoons? It just doesn’t make sense. I got arrested for not paying my metro fare last year but stick a suit on and wave a bit of paperwork around and you can get away with whatever the fuck you want. Maybe I should go bankrupt, write off all my debt and see how long I last.”
SFX Entertainment’s former CEO and president, Robert F.X. Sillerman, has taken “full responsibility” for the company’s downfall and says that he “lies awake worrying” about the mistakes he made for “minutes every night”, before his “extremely comfortable and expensive” mattress soothes him to sleep.
Picture via: djworx.com
