A man who claims he only smokes when he drinks is reportedly drinking for the five hundredth consecutive day.
Andrew Hamilton is believed to have been living in denial since deciding to quit smoking some time in late 2014.
“I’m at an age where I need to start thinking long term about my health,” explained Mr. Hamilton, thirty four. “I decided the first thing I needed to knock on the head was the fags, it’s been tough but I’m doing well, I only smoke when I drink now which is one step closer to getting off them altogether.”
“I found the best way to get over my addiction to nicotine was to replace it with a new addiction,” continued Hamilton, an out of work painter and decorator. “Some people take up going to the gym, others end up getting addicted to food but I’m lazy and I don’t have much of an appetite so I decided I’d put my time into drinking.”
“I’ve always found that the best thing for a craving is a quick swig of Tesco vodka straight from the bottle,” said Hamilton. “It’s also killing two birds with the one stone because once that liquor hits my lips I’m officially drinking and I can have all of the guilt free cigarettes that I want, I’m down to forty a day now, which is actually double what I was on when I quit, but the fact that I’m only smoking while drinking makes it a far more manageable number.”
According to Mr. Hamilton’s friends, the thirty four year old is on a quick fire path to self destruction if he doesn’t get a grip on his smoking and drinking habits.
“It’s sad to see someone you know going so quickly downhill like that,” claimed friend Steve, “but it’s his own fault, who starts drinking straight vodka at eight o’clock in the morning just to justify having a smoke. He needs to just accept that he’s a smoker or do something to actually give them up like getting an e-cig. Sure, he’ll look like an absolute sap with one, and it’ll probably still kill him, but at least he’ll have tried.”
“This was the worst attempt he’s made at giving up the fags since he said he’d only smoke tobacco in joints and started smoking five ounces of hash a week.
