It has been confirmed that DJ Tennis is looking to sue Maria Sharapova for damages, believing his clean image is “in tatters” and “completely fucked” following the Russian tennis player’s suspension for failing a drugs test.
Court proceedings have been officially opened by the techno DJ who is looking to sue the Russian ace for loss of earnings since the drug scandal was revealed two weeks ago.
“This is an incredibly dark time for tennis” said DJ Tennis. “I have a wonderful reputation amongst my industry peers as a clean living, kale eating, juice drinking DJ – but she has brought shame and embarrassment on my name. Because of her, promoters have been avoiding booking me and cancelling my shows. Nobody wants to be associated with ‘Tennis’ at the moment. Berghain cancelled on me, Fabric cancelled on me, Avalon cancelled on me, even my seven year old daughter told me I was no longer in change of the music at her birthday party as me being there wouldn’t go down too well with her school friends” DJ Tennis told us.
Since it has been announced that Sharapova tested positive for a banned substance called Meldonium, she has lost numerous sponsorship deals. However DJ Tennis doesn’t have any sympathy for the drug cheat, as he in turn has had over thirty two sets cancelled around the world accumulating to over a million pounds, prompting his management to ask him to consider a name change or risk never getting booked again.
“My PR team feel the reputation of tennis will never fully recover and strongly advise I change my name” said DJ Tennis. “I was going to have DJ Football but that dirty bastard Adam Johnson has ruined that for me. I also looked at DJ Rugby or DJ Basketball but they too come with certain problems. I think I may opt for something squeaky clean like DJ Tiddlywinks as you rarely hear any horror stories involving sports people in the Tiddlywinks game. Those lot have a wonderful reputation and never get up to anything naughty.”
